I Wanna Ruin Our Friendship
by greaterpewee
Summary: Yamato/Taichi - What if you realise that you love your friend, like, more than a friend? How does that work?. . . From the end of Digimon Adventure Tri onwards. CH 3/?
1. couldn't it be me instead

Hikari and Koromon cried, screaming _his_ name over and over again.

Yamato fell to his knees, sinking to the sand, eyes glued to where he had last seen _him_. Wishing that he would show up.

He could just stick one hand up from between the cracks on the ground, then the other, and finally hoist himself up before anyone even got the chance to help.

He would then laugh it off, maybe cough out some sand, most likely rasp out a stupid joke that would make Yamato want to push him back down to wherever he had fell in the first place.

Or he could let out even the tiniest sound, give a sign that he was still there, and Yamato would rush into his help before he could realise what was happening.

 _Anything_.

Or maybe he was back in their world, like once before. Maybe it was his twisted joke to make everyone worried, make them loose their hope and their mind, before appearing again when the situation and everyone needed him the most. Because honestly, that was just like him in a way. Always making a scene when he could.

But Yamato knew he had fell.

Someone's hand came to rest on his shoulder. Or maybe it had been there a while already, he wasn't sure. He wasn't sure of anything, anymore. The hand squeezed, then let go.

The goggles in his hands felt wrong, foreign - he shouldn't be holding them, but no one else should either. No one should touch them, except... well, him.

But he kept them, hang them on his neck so that they wouldn't drop anywhere and get lost. He tried to think that he could return them later, because that was the only thing that could keep him relatively sane.

Yamato watched as Takeru stopped Hikari, further away from the rest of them, the pair falling to the sand. She had tried to go there, where the ground was probably still unstable. Her cries could be heard from miles and miles away, he was sure of it.

No one approached Koromon.

Yamato didn't realise that he was crying, before he couldn't see anything anymore due to his tears. Touching the goggles now hanging from his neck, he scrambled up from the sand and dried his eyes with the back of his free hand.

Koromon's screams, the screams of his name, got louder the closer he got. And the pain in Yamato's chest grew simultaneously. He finally got to him, scooped the digimon into his arms and into a tight embrace.

Koromon kept screaming.

Yamato screamed inside.

.

.

.

Sora was the first to question it aloud, whether he was gone or not.

Yamato knew just how close the two had been, ever since they were little, and he felt really self-centred once he realised that of course she would be as affected as he was. Sora for one probably had even more reasons than he did. And it was unfair, because that also meant that she had more memories to treasure.

All those years they had spent bickering and fighting. All the times he had come up with something else to do besides watching a soccer game. All the times he hadn't, even as a joke, joined the other kids and their digimons into the light games in the past years. Because he always had a reason not to, either band practice or something else.

Yamato now, more than anything, wanted those memories too.

.

.

.

After the years that they had been friends - their fights, all the battles fought side by side, after basically sacrificing themselves together for a prophecy, after everything that had stitched the two of them so close...

It still felt as if he was there, somehow. It was as if he could ring the doorbell any second, any minute, just casually walk into the room and drop down to the floor. Demand some snacks, because he too would be hungry after the day they had been through.

He could still sense him. As if a part of him had melded into Yamato, permanently, and that part still hadn't left and disappeared. He hadn't left, not fully - at least according to the feeling that he had inside.

He couldn't be gone, not for real.

All their friends circled around the topic, some were avoiding his name just like Yamato had been doing so far. Except that he was avoiding speaking altogether, the best that he could. Everyone knew what they were doing, there was no point telling what their next move would be. No one needed a new leader. That, and it wasn't really a spot he wanted to take.

Gabumon leaned against his side gently, close enough to touch, his usually annoying warmth now being the only thing he felt truly comforted by. The digimons were eating as much as they could, trying to restore the energy they had lost before. The only thing, besides the munching, was the sound of Koushiro's keyboard.

Hikari had come down with a fever and was being taken care of by Takeru. Maybe it was better, in a way. Yamato wasn't ready to face her just yet. He knew that she could blame him for what had happened, at least he blamed himself. The three of them could have all been saved by Omnimon, not just Yamato and Meiko. He should've told Omnimon what to do, he should have said something.

Maybe the last thing Yamato had heard _him_ say wouldn't then be his own name.

He had thought, all these years, that nothing could ever happen to one of the toughest people that he knew. _Had known._ The latter felt like someone tried to carve his heart out of his chest with a dull knife. He still knew him, he would always know him, that wouldn't change. No matter what.

Gabumon carried Koromon around, every chance he got, reminding Yamato of how he had cared for his little brother when they had been younger. Maybe the bond the two digimons had formed wasn't much different from the one of their human partners. Maybe they too felt like they needed to look after each other.

Yamato wasn't sure how Koromon would handle it all when he would regain his energy, but he would be there for the digimon until the end. He would be there for Koromon, for Hikari, for Sora - for anyone who needed him, because he himself felt like he could drown any minute.

.

.

.

Yamato had to leave the room after Koromon had evolved into Agumon: after the digimon had said that he would still come back and when he would, Agumon would be ready to fight by his side.

He leaned against the wall, listening to the calm chatter of his friends that continued in the next room. It was unfair, the calmness. Something that was said made everyone laugh. His chest hurt.

He wanted to go back in there and scream at them, question everyone's friendships and their hearts - question how much they had loved him, because it seemed like no one really cared at all anymore. But he didn't, because he knew that they cared. Of course, they did.

Even though they needed to concentrate on other things at the moment, like saving the world for one, he just wished for someone else to break apart and cry like they had just lost everything. It would show him that his own feelings were normal, that others were just as messed up inside as he was, and that he wasn't alone.

Knees buckling, Yamato slid down to the floor and hid his face against his arms. He had never thought that losing a best friend would hurt as much as it did.

.

.

.

Time went by so slowly, that a few hours felt like a day. Nothing had really changed so far. Yamato wanted to break everything he saw, everything he touched, and at the same time he wanted to make everything whole again.

Which was why it was tearing him apart to watch the city before him, that was once again suffering due to the digital world. A part of him wanted to see it like that; buildings collapsed, structures cracked, and even worse. But then afterwards, when there would be nothing left to destroy, he would watch it be rebuild once more.

And he wanted to throw the damned goggles down from the balcony, as he watched the sky that was once again messed up due to their world and the digital world being connected. He didn't, though. He would never get rid of them.

Also, Gabumon came to him just in time, the digimon's blubbered words and hugs taking his mind of things. For a few seconds at least, because he really couldn't stop thinking about him for much longer.

 _Taichi_.

He couldn't stop thinking about _Taichi_.

When the sky changed once again, a new distortion appearing right in front of him and growing larger, he put the goggles on with great force.

He didn't need them, in the end, which itself spoke volumes of the danger they were in.


	2. the day's not over yet

Taichi hated goodbyes.

It was harder than anything he had ever experienced, to listen to Nishijima's final words through the capsule's communication system as the countdown kept going on.

He heard every word, memorized them by heart, while trying to tell himself that there was nothing he could do now to save the man. There was a way to escape for one and Nishijima had played it smart, having tricked the teen into the capsule and made the choice for him.

Smart didn't equal fair, though. He banged the metal again, leaning his head against the insides of the pod.

The amount of information he had to handle after waking up at the facility was too much: the thoughts of the other digidestined kids by his side kept coming back to him, their previously unsure situation now more like straight from a horror film.

They were still kids, all of them, and four of the youngest ones had been kept in cryostasis somewhere underground for what could be weeks. All because of the things they had found out. And now he found himself thinking how good it was, that neither Hikari or Takeru had been with them.

And directly afterwards he beat himself inwardly because of his thought. It didn't matter who was in the capsules, it wouldn't have been good either way. If he could, he would go back in time and trade places with the four other kids, just because. That would have been at least slightly better, easier for his conscience to handle.

The capsules were sent to the real world before Taichi got the chance to tell Nishijima everything he felt like he needed to say.

Apparently that would be the way of things for him until the very end, whenever that might be. It didn't seem like he had even the slightest chance for slow goodbyes, at least not based on the situations in which he had almost died so far. Or in which someone else had.

Maybe he was destined to leave the world, real or digital, as fast as possible and when no one expected it to happen. Which was the most fucked up thing he could think of.

In another reality, because by now he was quite sure that there had to be more than just theirs, he was sure that he was dead. His friends would save the world from its end, and they would be treated as heroes whether they liked it or not. Then there would be a funeral for him and he would be remembered, until no one simply could remember him anymore. And he would want them to move on.

For some reason he found himself wondering, if that reality's Yamato would cry in his funeral. Not because it would be funny or anything, but because he wasn't sure if his Yamato would. He wasn't even sure when was the last time that he had seen Yamato cry, but to cry for him? That was a whole another question.

Maybe that reality's Taichi hadn't been the biggest idiot until the end, like he had.

.

.

.

Taichi had to kick the capsule open, as the insides of it had shut down, after coming back to his senses. He wasn't sure when he had even lost consciousness in the first place.

One thing was for sure though - he was back in Japan.

Which would be the only good news for the moment, apparently, as none of the other capsules were nowhere to be seen. He stood up with trouble, slowly getting out of the pod, feeling older and clumsier than he had ever before.

And he searched the nearby waters, and park, even for just a simple sign of one of the capsules or the kids. There were none. His capsule looked like it had gone through a lot. He had no memory of the return to his own world, which was why it was possible that his pod had travelled in the river for some time before crashing to the shore.

Taichi didn't have a phone with him, or any money, which was weird. Maybe they were in his school bag, wherever that was. He did have his digivice though, but it wouldn't be of any help now that he was alone. His friends could, for all he knew, still be in the digital world.

He wondered who he should contact or where he should head to, as he turned around in the ankle deep water - only to see the sky darken at a pace that could only mean one thing.

At least he had his digivice.

It would lead him to where he needed to be.

.

.

.

Taichi's digivice kept beeping, informing that the signal was still as strong as before and that he was in fact closing onto the others even though it felt like the road kept going on and on forever.

He couldn't wait to see everyone.

The battle in the air, near the bridge, was closer and closer by each running step he took, but he feared that he wouldn't be there soon enough. Something would happen before he could get there, someone would get hurt, and he just hadn't been fast enough.

Or maybe someone was already hurt.

The dark form, Ordinemon, roared in what sounded like pain.

Taichi watched how the digimons that had been attacking it were thrown aside, one after another, dropping to the river or the bridge. He recognized each and every one of them, even though it was dark and he was too far away to see anything clearly. He couldn't turn his gaze away from them as he kept running, hoping for more than anything that he wouldn't be too late.

He passed the heart of the fight; passed the monster, the battleships, the tanks.

The beeping fastened its pace when he neared the bridge. And the quicker the beeping got, the faster Taichi ran.

Then he saw them all, each and every one of them. They were by the river, standing and watching the horrors before them happen as if there was really something a few kids could do in a situation like this. They still had hope left, they hadn't ran away.

Taichi understood it now.

His unrealistic expectations had got them through a lot of situations in the past, something the others might have seen as braveness but Taichi couldn't sign that thought anymore. It had been his childish foolishness, him putting everyone into trouble battle after battle without even a thought of consequences, and somehow they had made it out of all those situations alive. They had been lucky.

Ordinemon screamed again, before it lashed out and reached towards the two people who were in the water:

Yamato and Meiko.

She tried to run away and Taichi wanted to yell at Yamato for not doing the same thing, call him stupid because apparently he was, but he could only breath as he took into the last sprint.

He was so close already.

It was like in the desert again: Taichi running after Meiko and Yamato, trying to reach the both of them in time. He was filled with the same fear as he had been then, because something bad would happen - something bad always happened and he tried his best to intervene each time.

And something bad had happened. The ground had cracked and he had known that Omnimon could only save either him or his two friends. He had almost made it to safety - heck, he was there now. There were no reality in which he chose otherwise.

Then he saw how Agumon begun running towards the pair in the water, his yellow form almost a blur due to the speed. Taichi immediately knew what he was about to do, and there was no way that he would let him.

 _He was so close._


	3. i promise not to die anymore

Meiko acted foolishly, all the time, ever since they had met her. She complained a lot, her mood dropped very drastically - but, in her defense, sometimes understandably. So did Yamato's but still, Meiko just wasn't someone he wanted around himself that bad, not when he could choose the people he hang out with. They just didn't sync.

That still didn't mean Yamato wanted to see her in danger.

So he had surged into the water after the girl, cursing under his breath, tried to get her out of there. He may have also called her stupid, at least he had thought she was one. But he hadn't expected Ordinemon to suddenly lash out like that, not to as far away as they were from the digimon. He hadn't expected Agumon to jump in front of Meiko, to guard her from the hit.

And he certainly hadn't expected Taichi to save the both of them.

The destruction happening on the other side of the bridge, the water lapping against his legs, the chilly night air - none of those existed anymore. He couldn't hear how their friends shouted _his_ name, he couldn't hear anything.

 _He_ was back and Yamato hadn't expected seeing him again to hurt almost as much as losing him had.

Agumon rushed to his partner, as soon as he realised who it was that had pushed him out of the way, jumped into the teen's arms and settled into a tight embrace.

And Yamato stood in his place, still in the water, unsure if what he was seeing was right, if it was real and actually happening. He could have died, for all he knew - maybe he had died and the first thing he saw was Taichi.

Taichi, who then turned his gaze on him, still hugging Agumon as close as he could.

Yamato stared at him, unable to do anything else. The reassurance that his friend was actually there, whole and smiling, was all that he had hoped for in the past hours. But he hurt so much - his lungs felt out of breath in a way that you couldn't just fix by breathing - that if he did anything he would probably broke down to tears. He wasn't sure why he felt like crying, but he chose not to think about it for the time being.

Agumon slid back to the ground from his partner's arms as Taichi looked around himself, glancing at everyone behind him as he took in the situation, before he turned back to look at Yamato.

The blond automatically lifted a hand to the goggles that hang from his neck, suddenly very aware of them. He was glad that he hadn't lost them into the river or dropped them from the balcony a few hours before. He almost threw them to his friend, but instead he decided to return them the way they should be.

Taichi smiled as their distance shortened - not the frequently seen cocky nor the determined one, but the softer kind. It was a weird look on him, unfamiliar, one that made the situation more implausible than it had been only a minute before.

Yamato offered the goggles as soon as he was near enough, eager to give them back to their rightful owner. He had so many questions, so many things to say, but none for which the time was right. _"You're late."_

The brunet took the goggles, his expression turning into amusement. He then put them on his head, the way that he used to wear them as a child. "Thanks."

"For what?", Yamato asked, the question coming out quieter than he had meant, the previous sarcastic tone lost somewhere far away.

"For keeping these safe", Taichi said, as if it had been obvious, before his gaze wandered back to the sky.

Which broke whatever spell the blond had been under so far, forcing him to return to the reality even though it was harsh. But the feeling from before was gone, now they could do more than just buy some time. There was hope, once again.

Their eyes then met, both feeling the determination of the other without neither of them speaking even a word.

 _"Now - let's end this with our own hands."_

Yamato nodded.

There was something nostalgic, but at the same time something was different. They both knew what was to come, what they were aiming for... They had done this tens of times already.

But something had changed.

As they stood side by side, as everyone held their breath as the situation resolved itself above the river, as they both squeezed their digivices in their fists as if they could move some of their energy and determination that way to their digimon partners-

Taichi bumped the back of his hand against Yamato's.

And Yamato bumped his hand back, a snort simultaneously escaping his throat.

"Stupid", was all that Taichi said, the brief grin on his face audible, before taking a hold of his friend's hand.

It was an innocent gesture, reminding both boys of the times that they had held onto each other like their lives depended on it. Because there had been many of those, they both knew it even if they wouldn't admit it when questioned. This time though, it wasn't like that. One change was that neither wore their gloves anymore, the warmth of their hands now mixing together and making the contact more real than ever before.

"Do I need to hold on tight, so that you won't run away?", the blond asked, barely keeping his voice even. His hand was slightly sweaty, or maybe it wasn't his at first but now it was both of their problem.

It was Taichi's turn to snort and he did it softly, chuckling afterwards. "Yeah, please."

Yamato nodded, before realising that the other couldn't probably see it. "Good", he said, before he laced their fingers tightly together. Something knotted in his stomach and he cleared his throat. "I couldn't lose you again."

They squeezed their hands almost simultaneously, other using the gesture to put pressure into his words, while the other meant it as a reassurance that nothing like that would happen.

And at least during that night, it didn't.

.

.

.

The hugging and crying didn't stop. The sky had cleared up from the dark clouds and the tears between the two worlds were gone, the morning sun already on its way and peeking in the horizon.

Meiko was somehow the toughest of them all, crying but still smiling a little at the rest of the teens. The girls kept hugging her, holding her hands, whispering words of courage and apologies which were unneeded because it was really no one's fault. No one wanted to imagine her pain, while they all knew what losing someone felt like.

Koromon leaned to Taichi's leg, exhausted like the rest of the digimons, while the boy himself hugged Hikari as close as he could. She clung to the back of his shirt and had cried to his chest for a while, ever since it had still been dark until to the first rays of sun, but they weren't really in a hurry to go anywhere just yet.

"Hikari, I'm...", Taichi said, his voice sticking to his throat. He had tried to come up with something to say for a while, preferably with words that would sound good when spoken aloud and in a specific order. "I'm... I'm sorry it had to go like that."

She sniffed, her other fist hitting his back gently.

"Did you miss me?", he asked, unable to hold his smile back.

"I did", Hikari said, sniffing once again. Then she pulled back to see his face. Her eyes were red, so was her nose, tear tracks going down both of her cheeks. "I thought you were gone and this... It's my fault, Taichi."

Shaking his head at her, he brought up his hands to wipe at her cheeks. He wondered what he looked like. Probably not great, was his guess. "Let's not do that, okay? It wasn't your fault."

"I thought you had died, I-I lost it, Nyaramon digivolved into dark Ophanimon, it... it created some kind of portal", Hikari listed, barely breathing, causing her brother's eyes to widen. "When it opened, Ophanimon merged with Raguelmon and they made Ordinemon-."

"Okay, okay", Taichi interrupted, not wanting her to continue. He understood. He squeezed her cheeks with the palms of his hands, getting her attention as she stopped talking. She looked like a fish, but he wouldn't tell her that. "I promise not to die anymore."

There was a snort at those words. "You better."

"He won't dieeee, Yamato", Koromon whined by Taichi's feet, rubbing himself affectionately against his pant leg. Which was still wet from the river and didn't feel as nice as it could have, but it was still nice. In a way. "Right, Taichi? You won't die?"

The boy in question glanced down at Koromon and then at Yamato, who was standing closer than he had thought, the rest of the group all scattered nearby. Everyone had tensed at the digimon's words and were now listening intently, even if they weren't facing their way.

"No, I won't", Taichi said, while knowing very well that he couldn't promise something like that but he could always try. He could try not to die, right? He had been doing that ever since he was eleven, in a way, he would just need to try even harder from now on. "I'm going to outlive all of you, just see."

That made some of them smile, finally.

"We missed you sooo much, Taichi!", Mimi said, throwing herself around the boy and Hikari. She then looked around, motioning everyone to join them. "Come on guys, it's not a group hug with only us three!"

It didn't take long for all nine to be gathered around each other. They couldn't do it without giggles and chuckles, though.

"Now why don't we do this more often?", Sora asked. She laughed with her forehead resting against Taichi's shoulder, who in turn chuckled even louder at her question.

"Because I'm not the biggest fan of hugs?", Koushiro said, sounding slightly suffocated even though he wasn't even near the middle.

"What?", Mimi squealed, trying to see the boy from where she was, but there were too many heads in the way. "Really!?"

"Hey, watch it... That was my ear."

"Sorry, Yamato- but what do you mean you don't like hugs Koushiro? You never say anything when I hug you!"

"Maybe Koushiro doesn't mind you hugging him, Mimi."

By now almost everyone were laughing again, with only two blushing exceptions.

"...Thanks Taichi, it's nice to have you back."

"No problem, mate."

Yamato somehow lifted his arms from under everyone else's, which had been around Taichi's and Sora's shoulders before, and brought them to the brunet's hair. "Your hair is still as big as ever", he complained, trying to flatten its sides even a little. "Can't see anything from behind your stupid head."

"Should I cut it, then?", Taichi asked and enjoyed how shocked everyone, that he saw, now were. His friend's hands had froze to his hair, above his ears.

"Y-you can't!", Meiko spluttered out - Mimi, Takeru, Hikari, and Sora nodding along with her. The girl blushed immediately after saying that, turning her gaze away.

"It would look weird", Hikari said, looking more and more weirded out each second she spent staring at her brother. "You can never cut your hair, Tai."

Taichi rolled his eyes playfully, finding the whole thing hilarious. "But Yamato-."

"Thinks it's nice this way, shut up man", Yamato said, feeling how a blush crept onto his face. He let go of his friend's hair, dropping his hands onto his shoulders instead. He couldn't see anything, once again, but maybe it was better with the pink cheeks he was now sporting. "...Don't cut it."

"See?", Takeru said, chuckling at his brother's obvious embarrassment. "Even Yamato likes it, which is a lot."

"...Or you could cut it shorter from the sides, if you wanted to."

"Mimi", Jyou sighed, always the one to talk against her ideas. "Just focus on your own hair."

"Huuuh? What's wrong with my hair!?"

...Until he feared that he had offended her. "N-nothing! I swear, it's perfect like always, just don't go around changing people's looks", the boy sputtered out. "That's all!"

Taichi laughed, turning his head as much as he could to see his friend. "You really did it Jyou, once again."

"Did...did what!?"

"Never mind that guys, could we stop hugging already?", Koushiro begged, the boy already pulling away from the rest. "It's getting awkward..."

"Oh man, that just earned you another hug!", Taichi said, turning around in the now loosening hold of arms and grabbed his friend in a tight embrace.

"No...!"

"Yes!"


End file.
